Monday, January 31, 2011

Love and honor

Today's topic: Love and Honor

So where have I been. I’ve been living.

I spent some quality time with my friends and went on a trip to Atlantic City.  What a challenge that was for me. I felt really alone although surrounded by people.  I felt uncomfortable. Why, I’m not sure but it wasn’t a good feeling. Actually…last Thursday I cut my hair. I don’t mean trim. I mean cut. I have gotten really GREAT feedback but… I struggled with it at first. I still may be…

I love the ease of it. It will make my swimming lessons easier once they start but this is the first time in my life I have questioned my femininity because of appearance.  I do not regret it but this is an experience I wasn’t prepared for on this journey.

People say some really hurtful things to other in a wayward attempt to help. Especially those who say they love you or have love for you... Negativity is so destructive and it can fester insecurities to overwhelming proportions. 

Love is supposed to be patient and kind but too often it is hurtful and cruel. The love that I have for myself will help me to make this journey one with no limits. That love will wrap its arms around me and surround me with what I need to succeed on those difficult days. 

This is not an all or nothing journey. Every day is a new day to own what I have allowed to happen to my body.  

This blog is making me think, think really hard about what I want and how I’m going to get there.  

 I hope my friend doesn’t mind that this borrowed this but,  her fb post today was “Knowing your Self-Worth & honoring your Self-Worth are related but are 2 completely different things!” T.H. 1.31.11

The honoring has begun for me and it will never end!

Water check; passion check!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Consistency is key

Topic: Being consistent.

Consistency is a mental thing. For whatever reason self care is probably one of the most neglected area in everyday life. Somethings are automatic showering, brushing of teeth, putting shoes on before going out in the cold. Somethings get lost. Regular trips to the gym, eating fruits and vegetables daily.

To complete this journey, the gym or some form of exercise, fruits, veggies and water have to become as natural to me as showering daily and brushing my teeth.  It needs to be a part of my daily life without consuming my day.

I have known what I need to do for years to lose weight,  however mentally I was not  prepared. Until recently. In the cycle of change I have relapsed so many times,but this time I'm determined and taking action.

Consistency is key for me. By making this a part of my life I don't feel like is a chore.

Living my life to the fullest doesn't mean material things or getting wasted. It means enjoying life to the best of my ability in he best physical state that I can achieve. Smelling the roses in the spring, enjoying a snow day in the winter, day trips in the summer and enjoying the crisp fall breeze in the fall.

Water check; gym check; passion check!


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Take advantage

Today's topic: Liberated!

Stupid snow.

So I am in NJ where it is snowing. I actually like snow. I think that it is pretty and makes people slow down. However, I hate to drive in the snow. Actually, I am a wuss about driving in the snow. I was supposed to go to the gym tonight to get a workout in and also to get my personal training regimen but I dare not drive in the snow. I don't feel bad about this or guilty. Wanna know why? I got in two workouts for the week already and I drank my water!! I feel great. Better than I ever remember actually. Physically and mentally. I am on another level of happiness.

I am doing things and making preparations for my new and expanded life that I never thought I would do. I feel carefree!!! Liberated.

I feel like I am coming into my own. I am so glad that I took advantage and got in two workouts for the week. I did something else today too but I am not ready to share that quite yet.

Take advantage of opportunities that present itself because it may make room for another one. (Like me staying home on a snow day and not missing my workout)


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Still going strong!

Today's topic: Lifestyle change.

This is so weird.  Right now it is almost effortless to stay on track. As I arrive home,  I think about what the next day is going to be like and I plan accordingly.

I have received  some indirect negative feedback. Before I would have critiqued it, but right now bleh.

I 'm doing me and it feels great. I will continue to do me. I can already feel the positive changes in my body and more so my thoughts. I can clearly see myself fitting into a pair of non stretch jeans one size smaller than what I wear now and being comfy. ( They are hanging on the outside of my closet so I can see them daily until it is time to replace them with another item one size smaller) This is my short term goal that is measurable by me.

I am also working on a vision board. Law of attraction at work!

It is interesting to see who supports me. I am a pretty positive person and I try my darnedest to share positive energy. I also surround my self with like minded people. As a result our light is shining so bright that the negative energy has no chance to flourish and fester.

"Choose to be happy today! Redirect your thoughts to from negative to positive. You can only do one thing at a time. Do not be overwhelmed with things that cannot be changed. Find a way to make them manageable. Deep breath in, exhale out and feel the calm taking over." This is my fb status for today and boy did this affirmation come in handy!

Water check; gym check; passion check!


Monday, January 24, 2011

Make the time.

Today's topic: Be passionate

I have found that people make time for what it important to them.

In undertaking this journey I am realizing that life is made to be lived. This journey is opening my eyes to so many possibilities. Yes being fit is a challenge but what I think is really happening is I am developing a passion. A passion for life.  A passion for me, where I am now, where I will be tomorrow and where I will be in five years.

This passion has been slow in developing but it is here right now. Over the last two months or so I have been really thinking. Thinking about my life. I have gone through a touch of depression. I have critiqued my self`worth. I have even hated myself for a moment. (Only a moment) Throughout it all, the love I have for myself has pulled me free. Free into a space where I have questioned how the heck did I get so far gone from letting my light shine.

Then the light bulb turned on. It darn near blinded me.  Change can be made. What do I want? Why do I want it? How can I achieve it?

I want to be fit not SKINNY! I want to be healthy so I can enjoy all that life has to offer. I want to climb a mountain trail and not be concerned that my fat may kill me on the way back. I don't want to lose an opportunity to laugh because I am adjusting my girdle.

I want to learn swim so that when I am on vacation I can enjoy the warmth of the water.I also want to have another way to get some cardio done. The door to the treadmill has been closed to me but the window to the pool is WIDE OPEN! To help my joints because of the lack of arches in my feet I also need the pool. Who knew arches could throw your whole darn body off. Certainly not me!!

I have dedicated myself to my education, my family, my friends and my employment.   In what was called a mid life crisis by a friend I got a tattoo that represents how I feel about myself deep down inside.  "I am limitless. I shoot for the moon and the stars. "  I am making the time to change my life. One day at a time. One choice at a time. Every goal I have achieved has been made with hard work and dedication. Tears, frustration, sheer grit and determination. My trips to the gym, the fresh food market and the grocery store are daily reminders of empowerment. My empowerment.

I am making the time to be great to me because no one can treat me better that me.

Water,  check; gym, check; passionate, check!!

~ Shantelle

P.S. My chocolate cake with the chocolate frosting was delicious. I did exactly what I said. I had a slice with a glass of water. The next day I had a sliver. Not because I couldn't have a slice but I really didn't want more than a sliver.

I do not eat food that I don't like. It's not in my nature. The difference is I am going to choose how much to eat. I will not eat something to say oh I will work out an extra half an hour to work it off. What I will do is ask myself  "is this worth it?", make a decision and then act accordingly.

Bag Lady

Today's topic: Being prepared.

In order to be prepared for this week, I used my weekend to relax and pack my bags.

Gym bag, work bag, handbag and lunch bag. Whew! These are the tools I need to have productive days.  I don't have every detail planned out but I have a great game plan for tomorrow.

I am on target to have another great week.

While at the gym yesterday I picked up my application for swim classes! This is going to be a treat for myself. It will open up so many doors for exercise and relaxation that I don't currently have.

No gym today but tomorrow, yes. I even packed a bag to leave in my car in case I forget something. Bag Lady it is. At least they are all cute.


Saturday, January 22, 2011

Failure is not an option

Today’s topic: Failure is not an option.

Wow. So I woke up this morning and some of my first thoughts were getting to the gym today, replenishing used fruits and veggies and what will be my two soups of the week.  This is crazy. When you make up your mind to do something for yourself it is really amazing how your mindset can change.

My gym is open from 7am to 7pm on the weekends and from 5am to 11pm during the week. The temperature is below freezing in New Jersey. But I still made it to the gym.

I honestly I have no idea how. I got dressed around noon in my gym clothes. I went to the grocery store to get some staples for the week. I came back home where it was nice and warm. I ate and thought about taking a nap. What did I do instead, filled a bottle of water and drove to the gym. Now while sitting in my toasty car I seriously thought about not going in.  I sat in the car for a few minutes. Then I put on my hat, my scarf, my gloves and zipped up my coat while complaining the whole way into the gym about stupid winter and the freaking cold. I HATE WINTER!!!!!  I walk in and politely greet the staff member that praised my trip to the gym in this frigid weather.  I smiled, said thank you and grumbled my way back to the locker room. I remove my hat, coat, gloves and scarf and head over to the cardio equipment.  Five minutes later enjoying my Ipod I forget that I hate winter and enjoyed my workout. I even sat in the sauna for a few minutes. Who would’ve thought that would have happened. Certainly not me.

I have altered my goal to include a specific maximum weight. Although that size /weight is daunting it does help frame out the work I have ahead of me.  Work is only work if you hate doing it. I can’t hate the gym or making better choices because that would imply that I hate some portion of myself.

Every so often I bake. Tonight well today my husband asked me to bake him a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.  I baked it and while it is cooling I am writing this. Yeah…

Now I am not a big sweets person but I have to taste my cake.  So I have already decided that I am going to drink a glass of water, have a piece, and drink another glass of water.  Then I am going to walk away. That is the plan. I’ll let you know how it works out.

I weigh myself tomorrow.  I get measured on Thursday. These numbers are only good to show the progress that I will be making.

I must be believing from the inside out… that failure is not an option.


Friday, January 21, 2011

I really hate the dark cold nights of winter but...

Today's topic:  Inner goal and Stupid cold weather

I made it to the gym tonight, two days in a row. I worked out for 60 minutes and met with a personal trainer.  That went well but I was reminded to be careful when you speak because someone might actually be listening.

She asked me what is your goal? I said my goal is to go down a dress size in the next 6-8 weeks and to keep on my journey. Well she caught me off guard and asked me what dress size I would like to be and I told her the size I would like. Well now, she latched onto that and declared that my long term inner goal. She also advised that my goal is achievable and realistic.        Sigh...

Why the Sigh  you may be wondering.  I sighed because now its out there. It has been spoken aloud and written down. I need to take my inner goal (which she was right about) and make it a reality.

Well here goes.

I meet with her on Wednesday night to get my program. I work it individually for 6-8 weeks and then I get reassessed for a new plan.

This is real isn't it. I have everything lined up to be successful. So I am gonna do what I got to do,  to get the results that I want to get.

Major Daily Challenge: THE COLD!!!

I really hate cold. More so that words can describe. Once I get home where its warm and toasty it is a mental challenge to leave. Especially, to go to the gym.

If my friends call me and want to go relax and enjoy some laughs, drinks, and food. I'm there. To leave my house to go in the gym, grocery store, run errands, hmph no interest.

How to manage this challenge?

Don't go home first. Set my clothes up so if I do go home they are in my face when I walk in so I don't get caught by my soft comfy warm bed. Use my heated seats and heating system in the car. Park close to the gym. Oh I know many ways to to manage the challenge but how do I convince myself to do them is the real question.

This is really scary right now. I sort of turned by bad habits around overnight. Not really though. I have attempted changing my bad health habits numerous times and ways over the years but never kept going. Every day is successful for me because I am choosing it to be so.

Water check, balanced meals check, portion control check, made it to the gym in the cold check. I really hate the cold but I deserve me time and a healthy lifestyle.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

It's all about me

Today's topic: Me time.

New water bottle check, new lunch bag check, return to the gym check!!

I REALLY like my gym. It is a state of the art facility. In my absence, they have added new machines and a spa. That is in addition to the sauna and the  steam room not to mention swimming pools. They have several classes every day. Now I remember why I joined.

 It seemed like the new years resolutions have worn off, which is exactly why I didn’t make one. I did some cardio for an hour. It felt really good.

I have an appointment with a personal trainer tomorrow. I want to be lean and limber. I have no arches in my feet. As a result I cannot do any high impact exercises. Intense walking, running, step classes are all a no-no. Ideally swimming is perfect for me. So the goal for 2011 is to learn to swim to keep me going on the days I am not interested in being on a machine.  

What I really miss about going to the gym is the me time. My phone doesn’t work in the gym. So I go in watch a show or two or enjoy some great music. No conversations, no texts, no email. It's almost like a micro  getaway. I even sweat! When I am done I return to my “life”. Work, home, and errands.  

One of the reasons that I decided to embark on this journey is because I want to be prepared for opportunities that present itself. I don’t want to think twice about flying because I may be too large. I don’t want to not go to a function because the dress doesn’t fit right. I don’t want that an opportunity passes me by because it couldn’t “find” me. This is my motivation to go to the gym and remember that it's all about me!


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Today was a good day!

Topic: Planning paid off

Imagine that I planned, it worked.

Today was more of a typical day for me, half in the office half in the community. I got  my water in and didn't get that HUNGRY feeling.  I added cheese and a pear to my afternoon so that held me until I got home.

My meals consist of protein, carbohydrates and fat. That really works well for me.

Tomorrow is gym day... I wrote it in my appointment book so I would go. Looking forward to it.

I've been sharing my blog info and have been getting really good feedback! YAY!

Thinking about a short term realistic goal...

That's all for today!


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My saving grace!

Today's Topic: My saving grace!

What a day today was. It was my first day back to work after starting this blog and facing the challenge of making good choices consistently.

Where to start, with the water I guess. I  definitely got in  8 glasses of water not including my two cups of tea. Great job me! However, the bathroom was my friend.

So for those of you who do not know, I do not have a traditional job in one location. I have office days and I have days like today. Meetings and clients homes that are not always clean. This means that you learn ALL the clean bathrooms that are in the community. I mean ALL!

I will say that after 3 days of daily water intake, my lips are not as dry and I look forward to drinking my water. Be right back ( Water bathroom break).

Ok so I planned my day with my meals BUT I got HUNGRY! Really hungry. Like ready to eat my damn arm hungry.  You’ll never guess what saved me. Guess. C'mon guess! Water, yes water! Lol I had to shake my head at the irony.

I could have stopped and got a high protein yogurt or packed a piece of cheese with some nuts, but I underestimated how long I was going to be away from home.

Today’s lesson pack a little bit more food and keep water with me. I guess I could have also stopped and made a healthy choice. 

Ok what else. Oh I packed a gym bag. I almost always have gym clothes with me in a duffel bag, but I packed an individual bag today. 

GOAL: I’m going to make it to the gym at least once before Friday!

To obtain: A nice 32oz clear bottle to drink out of to keep me motivated me to drink my water. When I have water near I drink more. So if my water is in an opaque bottle, out of sight out of mind. I also need a new lunch bag. I have beat my last one to death.

I love soups. They are great to help me eat healthy during the week. I had cabbage and bean soup today for lunch. Tonight I made broccoli and brown rice soup. Mmmm! Delicious.

I must admit I love that this blog that I really started for me is creating positive conversations. A friend of mine read it and got them self a bottle of water.

Great suggestions have been flooding in. I think I'm going to try to find a way to post them... they may not help me but they may help someone else. 

I don’t lie to myself. I ignore the big white elephant that is around my waist, on my thighs etc. That might be worse than lying… I'm done ignoring. 


Monday, January 17, 2011

Support at home


Today's topic: Support in my relationship.

I have a great support system at home. My husband. He loves me for the person that I am, not the size of my body. 

If I am consistent, he is consistent. If I "fall" off track for lack of a better term,  he is right with me. 

It would be a lie to say that I am making changes because he wants me too. I am doing it so that I  can avoid any health risks and to look better in my clothes.  

My water intake went well yesterday and is continuing today. Thanks to J and Rocky I even moved! Zumba at J's home! 

Today I scheduled to meet with the nurse and the trainer at my gym. The nurse will measure me and give me something to be focused on other than the scale. The trainer will help me have a focus when I am in the gym. 

I also set my phone to remind me to take my lunch every day. (I forget, or get caught up trying to do one last thing.) Eating breakfast and lunch regularly really helped me to eat balanced meals. It also helps my appetite. 

Overweight with an appetite issue. Yep its true. LF nutritionist helped me to learn what hunger feels like and what I need to do to avoid my sugar dropping. Hypoglycemia = not pleasant.

The scary piece for me is I have done this all before with results, weight loss and inches lost. I decided to "cleanse" and I fell off of the path to a lighter me. DEPRIVATION is not for me. It has taken me three months to get back on track but I'm here.

When you have a partner to support you that's great. I need to learn how to support me for the simple fact that I deserve to be fit, healthy and happy. 


You know you are progressing when you leave behind the old, and you embrace the new with a smile on your face and in your heart" ~ Suze Orman

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Time to begin

Hi and welcome to my blog. 

So I've decided to write a blog about my weight loss and self discovery journey.  I am not a point counter, a carb eliminator or raw foodie. However, I have tried them in an attempt to either lose weight quickly or to simply lose weight. I am not a binge eater, nor a snacker. Emotional eater, not sure but boredom maybe.  Portion control is a struggle. I also love to cook...

At this point, I have not been told that I have any medical conditions that are affecting my health but I am morbidly obese. This is always a shocker to me... I just can't believe that it has gotten this far out of hand. 

So why now? and why will this time be different? Great questions. Honestly, I can't say that it will. I am hoping that this blog helps me to be accountable to myself. I am also hoping that someone else can be motivated and can also motivate me. 

Why the need to blog? I have no idea why I am making this very personal journey public. Not a clue. I do think that this can help me find support which I don't always have. 

I do know that this is a process from the inside out.  This is where LF comes in. LF is my nutritionist. I am not sure what I thought a nutritionist would be but she isn't it. She makes me think. Think about food, myself, my choices, what makes me happy. 

I also have great family, friends, and a husband that support me and want to see me succeed. 

This is something that I have to do my way. I acknowledge that my journey is going to be long and difficult at times but nothing worthwhile is easy. 

Plan of action:

Do what works for me.

Eat breakfast - this is something that I have learned I need and my body really likes. 

Plan - my meals, my days and goals. This does not mean that I can't go out to eat but it does mean that I need to make educated choices about what I put in my body. 

Move- I have to exercise, park further, take the stairs more often and make it a priority in my life. 

Drink- Yes drink. Water, water and more water. I like water and my body loves it. It helps my skin, my body and most of all my system. 

Sleep/rest -  I work hard. At times it affects my sleep but I have to improve this area of my life. I know I am repeating myself but  I like sleep and my body loves it.  It helps my skin, my body and most of all my system.

So how am I going to begin. 

Breakfast, three 16.9 bottles of water, and movement. 

This journey is more than about weight. This is about becoming the best me that I can be. Tears will be shed and pain will be felt but I am worth it. It's time to begin.